Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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