The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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