I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
