the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
