There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
third nipple confirmed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
