yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
babies were throwing up all over the place
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize