i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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