Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
