weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
