All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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