well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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