Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
