My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
