I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
