Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize