My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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