Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She tied me up with her honor cords...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
