Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
