proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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