he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
