Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
