Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
