You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
