I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
