I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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