Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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