I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
