I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
