Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
