we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
