saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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