My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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