the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize