Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
