Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
