3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm getting married
To pizza
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
