A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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