Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
