So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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