Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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