He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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