I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
