been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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