YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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