so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
