you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
