I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
