Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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