I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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