Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
