AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
