I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
