I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
