dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
