you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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