Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
