1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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