We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am one with the molecules
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
