You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
