We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
