I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
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Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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