oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
