We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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