I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
