Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
