what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
