I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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