Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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