Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
