Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
