i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize