Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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