so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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