I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
