think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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