The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
