first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
