Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
